Jesus…That's All

As we, my fellow disciple and I, approached the prison cell which held the man we followed, John the Baptist, our eyes struggled to adjust from the light of the day to the ever-increasing darkness as we walked deeper into the confines of his imprisonment; the intensity of the heat outside exaggerated the stench of human feces and urine that hung thickly within.  I tried to reduce the ferocity of the odor by draping my cloak across my face, but it was futile in its attempt; it was inescapable.  My mouth, now inexplicably dry, was in complete contrast to my clothing as sweat poured forth from my body drenching them almost to the full.

Standing now directly in front of his cell, I called out John’s name with a tone that mimicked my emotional mindset, shallow and lifeless, and with no response was forced again, with greater volume, to speak his name once more.  In the darkness, sauntering ever so slowly towards us, he emerged looking nothing like the man that spoke with great authority just months earlier. His frayed and tattered clothing exposed the depravity that enveloped him.  He had always been thin, but now he appeared emaciated, his hair was long and matted, his skin was spotted red with bug bites and flies swarmed around him with no regard for their landing sites; they were on his eyelids, beside his lips and were simply relentless in their attack upon him.  He was, somehow, unaware of their annoying existence? 

I stood, frozen and in disbelief, not knowing what to say, trying to make sense of all the emotions that had come to the forefront with great intensity; utter sadness, grief, anger, resentment, and frustration, each singularly, permeating my existence.  Looking at John, my inner thoughts quickly turned, wondering, what must he have felt?  Isolated, alone and reduced to something less than human.  

The eerie quiet, it too hanging in the air, was broken and his soft, almost imperceptible deeply wounded words revealed the totality of his demise.  Would you please go to Jesus and ask, “art thou He that should come or look we for another”?

He said nothing else, simply turned, as if defeated, and shuffled to the darkest corner of the enclosure, out of sight, and to his place of secluded isolation. 

Upon my return to find Jesus, I once again found myself in deep thought, speaking nothing to my friend, but rather recounting all that we had witnessed and experienced with John.  I could not help but wonder, how had he, John, fallen into such “doubt” after one of the most intimate encounters with Jesus?  It did not make any sense.  The day, that day, reverberated within my innermost being…

John, as with many other days, was baptizing those seeking and needing repentance in the Jordan river.  However, it soon bore a cataclysmic encounter as Jesus himself approached near to our location.  John, in an instant and with great volume and certainty announced, “Behold, the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world”.  Of course, the Sadducees and the Pharisees present grumbled at the revelation yet a quiet fell upon the entirety of the masses as Jesus slowly waded into the water. The atmosphere seemingly changed, inexplicably, as John and Jesus spoke with one another quietly; their conversation was intimate and incapable of being heard by the masses. 

John carefully proceeded to baptize Jesus and when he lifted Him out of the water, John, rather than looking at Jesus, immediately looked towards the heavens, as if mesmerized by something we were not privy to seeing with our eyes.  His gaze would fall slowly back and upon Jesus and they stood staring at one another with nothing being spoken between them.  Jesus, before exiting the river, pulled John close and to His being and embraced him, not a normal embrace but one with a tenderness that was filled with love.

Later in the day, as we sat around a small campfire eating our meager meal for the evening, John would expound on the intimate moments of Jesus’ baptism.  He, with the greatest of calm, said that when Jesus came out of the water, the clouds began to shift and the heavens opened to the full and a white dove, emerged, slowly, and lighted down upon him; an atmospheric changing peace, also inexplicable, accompanied the dove’s arrival.  Yet there was more he noted.  John hesitated for a moment, silence fell, and we waited, our eyes fixated upon him, waiting for what to was to be spoken next.  John revealed, tenderly, that what happened next brought clarity, immense joy and a tinge of fear all at the same time.  From the same heavens came the audible statement… “This is my son, in whom I am well pleased.”   We sat, in the confines of quiet, as no one uttered a word.

The stir of a crowd brought me back to the present as we found Jesus ministering to a smaller group of people.  I waited patiently, fearful to be honest, until the time seemed right to inquire as John had requested.  I could barely look into his eyes, that of Jesus, a bit embarrassed, yet he knew that something stirred within me and gently reached forth his hand to my shoulder and an immediate calm fell upon me.  I, sheepishly, spoke briefly of our time with John the Baptist and he listened intently, His attention fully focused upon my words, and I came forth with the request; “Art thou he that should come or look we for another”?  Jesus, his eyes telling of his inner hurt said, “Go your way, and tell John what things ye have seen and heard; how that the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, to the poor the gospel is preached.  And blessed is he, whosoever, shall not be offended in me”.    

Father, this story, has caused me to contemplate so very much.  How did John the Baptist, one of the many heroes of our faith, find himself in such a place of “doubt”?   His experiential knowledge with your Son Jesus was beyond that of ours for a certainty, yet, in the midst of a horribly dire situation, one which we cannot begin to fathom, was found questioning all that he believed and had attached his life to?  We must recognize, sooner, much sooner rather than later, the source of this “doubt” and its foundation.  You Father, heard, most assuredly to your dismay and disappointment, the very first question we see in scripture as it came forth from the subtlety of the snake to that of Eve in reference to the tree of life… “yea, hath God said, ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden”?  Eve, in her defense, was not with Adam when the command was given and that uncertainty, that hint of deflection, was carefully placed into that of her mind.  Maybe we should not be too hard on ourselves when we also are found wanting, unsure, with so many questions unanswered, as we traverse life, at times, so very difficult, alone, isolated from the world and without hope as “doubt” clouds our thought process.  I fear it has been used, this tactic, upon each and every one of us with great success?!  There is yet more Father, within this story, that I wonder if we have overlooked; you have allowed me to catch a bit of a glimpse, with your eyes, a truth that has eluded me in the past and it has taken me to my knees with its revelation.   Jesus, could have, when asked for clarification, taken it upon himself to go to John in person but rather chose to send forth the two inquiring disciples back with His answer to John.  Father, should this not be us?  Firstly, finding ourselves, seeking you out specifically, asking you questions in the intimacy of our time with thee.  Secondly, and possibly of equal importance, if not greater, ever ready, once we have been given intimate revelations, to make ourselves available, going to those that are in a place of debilitating doubt, no matter the cause, and listen, intently, to their innermost hurts and uncertainties, and with great care, encourage, with great resolve, speaking with surety your great promises.  I shall close Father with this verse, “Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them, and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body”.  We must be ever careful not to limit the breadth of its scope, reducing its reach to just that of a physical confinement.  Bonds shall come in many forms, for many of us emotionally and mentally, yet they shackle, impede, and hinder those imprisoned with the same ruthless and persistent cruelty.  Let us look beyond ourselves Lord, today, and inspire one that is in desperate need of your love.  We thank you for allowing us to walk in your stead, and though we all, as vessels, may be marred, chipped, and cracked, it is through those imperfections that the light of your Son can shine to a world that needs to see and feel His love.

Matthew 3:13-17 “Then cometh Jesus from Galilee to Jordan unto John, to be baptized of him. But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me? And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him. And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased”.

Luke 7: 19-23 “And John calling unto him two of his disciples sent them to Jesus, saying, Art thou he that should come? or look we for another? When the men were come unto him, they said, John Baptist hath sent us unto thee, saying, Art thou he that should come? or look we for another? And in that same hour he cured many of their infirmities and plagues, and of evil spirits; and unto many that were blind he gave sight. Then Jesus answering said unto them, go your way, and tell John what things ye have seen and heard; how that the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, to the poor the gospel is preached. And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me”.

Daniel

My spirit stirred greatly.  The words being spoken were unlike anything I had ever heard; the absence of shame, condemnation, and judgement bewildered me.  There was no rigidity to His words and the endless, strict, commands of adherence to the law were, almost purposefully, unmentioned.  Rather, He, with the greatest of calm and serenity, delivered compassionate thoughts, one after another, each one hanging in the air, as if to be breathed in by us all.  I was mesmerized and though I knew that He was speaking to the totality of those within the synagogue, I noticed that He, over and over again, looked directly at me, as if beyond my eyes and into my very soul.  This was so foreign to me…

I had, for eighteen years, never been looked upon with such direct eye contact; my strangely distorted body would not allow such.  The deformity, bending me from the waist downward, happened gradually but over a short span of time.  The simple act of walking would become both laborious physically and emotionally.  Periodically, and only when absolutely necessary, I would twist and contort my neck to look upwards, yet it was simply too painful to do so often.  However, familiarity, with that of the terrain of my small village, would manifest itself and even without looking up I could, traversing with great caution, determine the paths that I must endure to arrive at my intended destinations; each crevice, each crack, and each stone covered wall became individually recognizable to that of my limited sight spectrum and also to the gentle touch of my hands rendering “the way”.   If that were not enough to bear, the mental deformity within, especially in the early years, ushered forth a pain incomparable to that of the physical.  I could not, in my hunched over existence, see people looking at me, yet I knew they were, as their whispers would reveal the depravity of their thoughts towards me; my elderly parents, also recipients, simply disappeared into the depths of isolation as they were unable to process the heart searing defamations dispensed without mercy towards their daughter.  It was during those moments, bent over, walking ever so slowly in the realm of loneliness, that I was thankful that no one could see my face as the tears cascaded down, without end, finding their way just before my next intended step. I carefully and with great intention, stepped upon each one, attempting to diminish the pain and somehow leave it all behind.  Over time, though I was alone, as each year slipped into the next, I managed to merely tune out the tones of their judgment and rather listened for the sounds of the village, a compilation of noises, that of daily life, merging together to create an orchestration of harmony and to my great surprise, peace, He, would finally find me. 

Our eyes met once again, yet this time they lingered and He became quiet, as if incapable of speaking any further.  An uneasiness filled the candlelit room, flickers of light dancing upon the backdrop of the walls, and He simply gazed longer still at me.  I too was unable to look away, my eyes longing for such tenderness, holding steadfast and without care as our eyes remained fixed upon one another.  He then, with great authority, yet calm, beckoned me to come to Him.  The atmosphere in the room was one of great peace and without delay I gingerly arose, slowly traversing, incapable of being hurried, until I found myself, staring at His feet.  The tears, again, would begin to cascade down yet this time they found themselves dripping upon His sandals and I was embarrassed as to the volume of their existence.  The eerie quiet, only interrupted periodically by my muffled crying, soon found His voice once more with the same level of compassion… “woman, thou are loosed from thine iniquity”.  Without expectation, He bent down, softly cupped my chin in His warm hand, His other hand lighting upon my shoulder, and gently began to lift me upwards, slowly, deliberately, out of my warped crouch, until, I stood upright. I was overcome, enveloped entirely, with a love that had alluded me for so many years.

Father, this story, so full of inexplicable resolve in the midst of a dire situation, has captivated my thoughts these last few weeks.  I have wept much and do so even now as I tap away at the keyboard before me; can you, please, use the tears that come forth to wash away the grime that inhibits the way we see in our flesh?  I do not think it a coincidence that you were there, in that synagogue, and specifically for the young woman.  The way you see/saw, with such compassion, with such mercy, and with greater love, simply alludes us/me Father.  I am fearful, that we are limited greatly by the blinders of “self”, and that our scope of sight remains hindered by its rule in our lives?  Yet, I know with time, if we present ourselves to you each day, in a most humbled state, unwilling to see with eyes unhindered a day longer, that you too will grant us this same eyesight.  We realize it is a process, one that cannot nor can be achieved in an instant but rather takes time, time with you, time in your word, allowing you complete access to areas that only you can see unobstructed.  We/I am getting old.  Time, as a youth seemingly infinite, unavoidably slips slowly away.  We must, as the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, constrain you, to tarry a bit longer with each of us, individually, in the quiet of our day, so that we too, as we take you in, as willing recipients of communion, your body and your blood, might in the near future be as they were…“their eyes were opened, and they knew him”!  Father, is this selfish?  We think not, for there are those in our midst, that need to be seen, that need to be acknowledged with a simple word, with eye contact, or a touch, that certainly is not of this world cloaked in flesh but rather pure in its form, that of your unfathomable love Lord.  Stir our hearts, to extremes we have not yet encountered, that we might walk in the fulfillment of your call…to be the light, the salt of the earth, so very brilliant, so very thick that when unsuspecting encounters arise, they inquire as to its essence.  That they too might experience you, Jesus…that’s all!

Daniel

Luke 13:10-16 “And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath. And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity. And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God. And the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because that Jesus had healed on the sabbath day, and said unto the people, there are six days in which men ought to work: in them therefore come and be healed, and not on the sabbath day. The Lord then answered him, and said, Thou hypocrite, doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or his ass from the stall, and lead him away to watering? And ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day”?

10/5/2023

As I looked down upon my son, he lay motionless, his skeletal system holding nothing more than a thin layer of skin; he was, as was I, physically incapable of little exertion.  My clothes, dirty and disheveled, hung loosely and I realized that this morning could possibly be our last.  In the quiet of our home, holding my son tenderly, I replayed the loss of my husband, the difficulties that followed and the senses of “alone”, the feeling of helplessness and feeling powerless over that of my daily existence.  An eerie quiet held the small home and I could not help but remember the encounter, weeks earlier, also within the quiet, the day I heard with clarity, a still small voice, yet possessing great authority.  “Sustain the man that shall come to thee”.  Then and even more so now, I wondered if my mind, with lack of nourishment, was issuing a mental breakdown. 

My son gently moved as I laid him upon the makeshift bed on the dirt floor, one of our remaining possessions as everything and anything of value had been previously sold, and I heard the hunger pang with its churning and volume.  My heart simply broke, once more, and I sat beside him gently caressing his messy hair away from his eyes; the sadness was overwhelming, yet I was void of tears, as they were long ago dispersed as I came to grips with our nearing demise.  I lifted my withered frame, slowly, and walked towards the small barrel that held the meal for bread and the cruse of oil and knew, clearly, what would be found; it was only enough for one last humble offering for each of us.

The cool of the morning, once enjoyed, now bit with ferocity as my emaciated body lacked any form of insulation as I shuffled sluggishly near to our home in search of a few small pieces of kindling for a small fire.  In the smallness of my mind, it would be my last act of service, preparing the two small cakes for our final meal and we, my son and I, nameless and invisible to the eyes of the world, would succumb to the reality which awaited us.

I was close to my home when I heard from behind, “fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink”.  I turned ever so slowly, unsure if I had heard correctly and wondered if my mind was in fact playing with me.  Before me, stood, also a bit disheveled, a man of simplicity; he too obviously had been as I, lacking an abundance of sustenance and I felt obligated, though somehow thankful, that I might fulfill his menial request.  I spoke not a word but rather gave him a glance and a small shake of my head that would indicate my acceptance of his bidding.  As I placed my hand upon the handle of the door, it now possessing a bit of warmth, wavering upon its hinges and creaking from neglect and age, the man called once again and said, “bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand”. 

The voice, now as if I was hearing it for the first time, but not audibly, flooded my thoughts once more: “sustain the man that shall come to thee”. 

Father, I have purposedly ended the carefully orchestrated, preplanned encounter, possibly too soon, between the widow and Elijah.  There is just too much that a short contemplation can glean from the nine verses encompassing the entirety of the story.  Witnessing a brief glimpse, a very short moment through the window of her life I have, as the norm, been found wanting; reflecting endlessly upon the unsuspecting, widowed, nameless, mother in the midst of an extremely trying time.  I am quite sure we cannot even begin to understand the pain, the suffering, the utter heartache she dealt with as she and her son withered away to the point of death.  Yet, amid this compilation of tragedy, we behold her, even at the expense of her last remaining strength, serve another.  The lack of “self” is wholly incomprehensible.  Recently, with great care, you gently exposed my lack as we met, with one another in the quiet of our time, the fullness of this thought.  Jesus himself, so very close to death, intimately sharing his last moments with those closest to him, humbles himself; he lays down his garments, takes a towel, pours water into a basin, and with the greatest of care that one can imagine, washes the feet, one disciple at a time, as a most privileged act of service.  Then Jesus, the word of God says… “I am among you as he that serveth”.  Father, it is too much!  The words drip with such a sense of “selflessness” that I fear attainment is impossible.  Our flesh surely hinders greatly but oh scripture, so rich, so very plenteous in encouragement, through the stories of others that journeyed before us, reveal otherwise!  Yet, not just in scripture, for I am certain we all have observed one, a selfless individual, live this out.  Father, for me, as I am sure you knew her intimately, was my grandmother, Ruby Murphy; she did so Lord.  Widowed at the age of 46, with five children, so very poor in the eyes of the world but I know you steadfastly witnessed firsthand, as with many of us that would be so fortunate to know her, the endless acts of service to any that would grace her humble home.  She radiated the love of your son, proclaiming Jesus boldly the entirety of her life, yet not so much with the volume of her voice but rather with that of her life, and like your description of John the Baptist she too “was a burning and shining light”. 

Father, thank you, for your compassionate ability to teach us with great care, to love us endlessly and without condition as we seek the intimacy you so long desire.  As each day passes, even as our eyes begin to dim from age, I am confident, we see a bit more clearly.  Might we all find ourselves, in your stead, with this verse etched deeply into our very hearts, and with unwavering determination, to live it out daily, with great expectation, as opportunity presents itself in service, as if it were unto you…

“I am among you as he that serveth”! 

Daniel

1 Kings 17:8-16 “And the word of the Lord came unto him, saying, Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee.  So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.  And as she was going to fetch it, he called to her, and said, bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand.  And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.  And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son.  For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, the barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth.  And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house, did eat many days.  And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah.”

07/19/2023

Though my temporary lodging was on the outskirts of the village, the news quickly spread within and without that, the ruler of the synagogue, Jairus’ daughter had fallen gravely ill.  In the smallness of my trivial existence, I typically would not have given a second thought to the demise of this young girl but her age, that of twelve, beckoned my innermost thoughts with remembrance.  The small lone olive tree, it too out of place, offered a bit of shade from the now stifling heat and in my self-imposed seclusion, coupled with that of the law of Moses requiring separation as I remained in a state of being “unclean”, I tearfully began to recollect “twelve years” and the intensity of its pain thrust upon a once young, energetic, happy girl.  The initial small trickle of blood, the first signs of my menstrual cycle, brought an intense excitement of becoming a young woman, yet the trickle soon gave way to an uncontrollable, unending flow of blood that simply ceased to waiver in its continual outpouring; hour upon hour, day after day, until the months gave way to years.  Each year a replay of the last until I was physically broken and emotionally scarred; emaciated from pangs of unfulfilled hunger, homeless as my own family disowned me, an abyss of uncertainty, depression, anxiety and an all-consuming heartache as I had long since relinquished thoughts of marriage, children, and any normalcy of life.

The tears and their warmth now flowing freely, mimicked, in a much smaller way, the blood that poured forth from within and its intensity once again needed my full attention as it ushered me back into the “now” of my reality.  I could not help but notice the contrast of the deep crimson red upon the backdrop of my pale, white skin.  The heat of the day exasperated my blood issue and the odor, one which I had become painfully accustomed to, seemed exceedingly pungent as I sat, intentionally still and with restrained movement, hoping to minimize the stream and its relentless inundation.

To my surprise and completely out of the normal routines of the day, I witnessed a couple people, then a few more, until it seemed as if the entire village had passed me by, distantly of course, working their way down to the sea as his name, that of Jesus, the miracle worker, created a frenzy of excitement anticipating his arrival.  I had longed, so deeply, for a possible encounter with him and now to imagine he might be so very close was beyond my comprehension.  An eerie quiet hung in the air without interruption until I sensed a stir in the atmosphere itself; the quiet soon gave way to minimal sound in the distance and within a few moments I witnessed the entirety of the village, and then some, clinging to a man I presumed to be Jesus…it had to be him?!  I was taken aback when they neared the proximity of the lone olive tree and further still myself as he obviously was unaware of the realm of “unclean” that he soon would be encroaching upon.

Then, to our astonishment, Jairus came out of the village, almost running with a sense of purpose and simply fell down with a humility that was rare to behold of any man much less him.  Though I knew with a certainty that he was pleading with Jesus to heal his daughter, my thoughts were inward, self-centered, and horribly selfish as I desperately felt an inexplicable urge to approach him; but how?  I knew that as soon as I dared stand, the cascade of crimson would flow with great volume and I would have but a brief moment before those that were repulsed at my very existence would rail against me with great contempt.  Without any additional consideration I arose and began to push my way through the throng of people, no longer caring about how they might feel regarding my issue.  I thought, “if I may touch his clothes, I shall be made whole.”  At last, I was within arm’s length, and I reached forth my hand and barely grazed his cloak with a simple touch as he passed by.

Immediately I sensed a power run through the very confines of my flesh and instantaneously felt the flow of blood cease for the first time in 12 years…

Father, this story, one of inexplicable pain and suffering, almost hidden uncannily within another passage, and in the eyes of some of lessor importance than the raising of Jairus daughter from death, has caused me much inward examination these last few weeks.  I fear, greatly, that I am missing what you desire to be spoken but nevertheless, I tap away knowing you will reveal the truths you want to be gleaned from the life of another “unnamed” woman.  There are countless stories of your son, Jesus, “touching” the many He would encounter, healing with great compassion, withholding nothing from those that longed for His touch.

Yet here, we see very clearly, a woman so very ashamed, so desperate, so embarrassed, so humbled that a face-to-face encounter seemed an impossibility, but her faith, though limited surely at times over her years, non-existent during others, would propel her “to reach out and touch you.”  Your son was astonished, stopped in his very path, for he knew that there was one that had acted upon a faith He encountered so rarely.  And yet, I sense there is more, much more, obscured from a casual reading and meditation; I must admit most humbly, that I am afraid that this next thought might be taken out of context and mistakenly tinged with that of ego. However, I trust completely that You, the word of God, can and will transform it in the mind of man with the level of sincere humility and meekness with which it is offered.

Father, are we, each one of us, not Jesus?

…The questions emerge; are our lives, each one individually, indicative of Jesus dwelling richly within and emitting without, from us, the light of your son?  Can a man, a woman, that is surrounded by the evils of this world, especially that of “self” attain, in such a short life span, levels of attractiveness to that of Jesus?  Oh, to walk on this earth, with such unconditional love, unlimited peace, enduring patience, boundless mercy, endless compassion, and limitless kindness.  There are those perishing, withering away slowly without the knowledge of your Son, even at this very moment, in dark places, in fear, barely holding on, depressed, without a friend, without a family, dejected and cowering in isolation; they are absent from the desires of your heart for their lives.  I know that must absolutely break your heart, and I wonder…does it break ours?  Surely, we must hold some responsibility in this Lord?  Why are those in need of your touch, or equally important, those willing “to reach out to touch”, not doing so?  Are we perceived as elevated and aloof, just too busy, sadly indifferent, woefully unaware, thronged as well by the masses, and simply incapable of sensing the smallest of touch from someone in need?  Forgive us.

Father, we have “boldly entered into the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” with but a few questions this morning.  We end, Father, with this final thought…in the quiet of the day, when we choose to be alone with you, tarrying still longer in times of contemplation, as we reach out in pursuit of intimacy with you, that you would in turn, with the greatest of caress, reach back to us, revealing areas in our lives that need your touch.  Time, as with each breath, passes, never to be reclaimed and we implore you Father, with the same level of desperation considered today, to speak to us clearly, for we realize our lives are but a vapor.

We love you Lord!

Daniel

Mark 5:21-34  “ And when Jesus was passed over again by ship unto the other side, much people gathered unto him: and he was nigh unto the sea. And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet,And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him. And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, and had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, when she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, who touched my clothes?And his disciples said unto him, thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, who touched me? And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing. But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace and be whole of thy plague.”

09/28/2022

The bed nearly entombed me; once again I had become a hostage to my thoughts, and I languished, for hours, in the eerie quiet of the darkened room.  The life I lived, for self and self only, no matter the cost for or to others, friends and family alike, dispensed me, sooner than it should have to this place of confinement; I had learned well, from my earthly father, the ways of debauchery, and it only seemed fitting that I should surpass the extent of his frivolities.  I remember vividly the day of his death, before he would take his last breath, noticing his eyes, so very telling, void of any life, and somehow knew that I too, would be, without any future purpose, as he was that day.  Yet still, I had refused to change.  I was who I was, nothing less, nothing more; I now found myself as he once was, seemingly mimicking his final days.    

There was a stench, one that lingered and though I had become used to it, I could see with my eyes the source of its smell; my bedding, disheveled, stained, dirty, and long overdue for a thorough cleansing, was wrinkled beneath my emaciated, increasingly weary body and I was helpless to remedy its effects. The “palsy” had, with time, deteriorated any physicality I once possessed and it, along with my will, now surrendered to my fate, imprisoned me in the totality of my situation. 

The acquaintances of my past, those that lived ungodly lives with me, would periodically stop in to help in small ways, but recently those visits became fewer and fewer as my sickness progressed until, one day, they simply stopped.  I was alone and the quiet which I earlier longed for when I first became ill, now hovered around me, taunting me with its full offering. 

There was however, one of my friends, who had recently stopped in to see me and spoke of an encounter he had with a man named Jesus.  He, my friend, spoke with such optimism, that was so unlike him, and he recounted the experience, every detail crisp within his mind and coming forth fluently in his words.  I, over the years, had seen him many times at his worst yet now saw him, anew, and though my eyes teared as I listened to his witness, I was too far gone, ill deserving of any good in my life with no desire to be anything or anywhere but with my newfound friend, alone.  I had succumbed, finally, to my destiny and impatiently waited for my end to come; the sooner the better. 

The next morning, to my demise, rays of light cascaded down, through and around the casement of the door upon my eyes awakening me to another unwanted day.  I slowly closed my eyes once more, hoping sleep would remove me from my existence a bit longer, but there was a stir outside and though I could not see it, I could hear my fellow neighbors and sensed something was happening within our little village.  

Then suddenly, and to my surprise, the door which had long been closed, literally and figuratively, swung open with intensity and my friend, the one that had spoken to me of Jesus earlier, and three of his friends, came in without warning, without discussion, and simply took up my frail body upon the bed that had almost encapsulated me completely.  I asked him repeatedly where he was taking me only to be met with silence and an urgency that I could see in his eyes and that too of his friends as well.

There was a large crowd, vying to meet the man, this Jesus, that they all were talking about.  It was chaos, throngs of people pushing, shoving, desperately trying to position themselves for an encounter with him.  As we weaved in and amongst them, there was a wave of overwhelming anticipation and expectation, easily detected, that flooded the souls of all that were clamoring to see him.  A few short moments later, as our progression slowed, we stopped, abruptly, still quite a distance away from the entrance of the small home that supposedly he was occupying.  I heard my friend speaking with the others but could not make out what they were discussing yet their resolve was quite evident in their body language; for what purpose I still was unsure?

Immediately, they changed course, went around the ever-growing horde towards the back of the home and gently laid me down upon the ground.  They quickly rummaged for anything that would assist them as they began to scale the back side of the small home.  Then, without warning, and to my utter surprise, roof tiles came flying down and around near to where they had positioned me.  They beckoned a few other men that were near to the scene and before I knew it, they were lifting me up and onto the roof of the home; I was unaware of their plan until I saw the gaping hole in the roof top.  Without hesitation, and with a greater sense of urgency, they lowered me down, carefully, and into His presence.  I felt so unworthy, yet, as I looked into His eyes, and He to mine, they would, tell me otherwise.  For a moment He looked away and up, fixating His face and gaze to that of my friends, hesitating as in deep thought, and then repositioned His eyes once again upon me.  He said to me in a most calm, yet powerful, intimate tone… “Man, thy sins are forgiven thee” and a few moments later, “arise, and take up thy couch…”

Father I am almost fearful to pray; I have wept much over the passage of old and ask that in your great mercy, forgive me if I have embellished the story and its significance. You have shown me so vividly, with such clarity, not just the love you possess in that of yourself, but, in those, that would dare to attach themselves to you.  This story, of a man, unworthy at best, speaking not a singular word, was granted that day, a new life with you.  It was not anything that he obviously might have said, but rather, as you noted, “the faith of his friends” and the love, your love, that consumed them to the point of absurd action for a man, underserving, lost, and incapable of helping himself.  It was not enough for his friends to simply accept what you had done in their lives, to carry on with their lives for reasons of self, but rather were driven by a love that you had graciously given them, a love that simply could not be contained within their beings.  It needed an outlet and what better way to express than to allow it to be poured out on one that was in desperate need of your touch, your glance, and your presence?!

Recently Father you spoke to me with equal lucidity and challenge regarding the ten virgins, awaiting the coming of your Son.  All ten virgins had lamps, but unfortunately, only five had oil within, the other “foolish” five did not.  You were to come and “the five without” asked “the five with” to share their oil with them only to find themselves turned away and left to their own accord.  I struggled, even now still, immensely, with this action on the part of those prepared, full of the anointing if you will. If we were all true to ourselves, undertaking an intense inward meditation, would, without hesitation, proclaim that your gift of salvation, of a new life, now, and upon this earth is of the greatest importance to us.  We know of its great significance, the ultimate sacrifice filled with much pain, and greater suffering, that Jesus alone had to endure for its fulfillment.  Forgive me Lord for what follows, as I am sure it will upset more than a few that might consider the contemplations of a man still without knowledge but ask I must.  Why Father, did those that had oil, that were readied for your coming, turn away those in need and send them away, further still from you?  Why not rather hold their lamp in one hand and offer their empty hand, to be grasped, encouraging, pleading with those found lacking, to take hold?  Unwilling, to the point of incapable of proceeding, even for themselves, to enter in knowing with a certainty that others perished without.  How…how can we be so selfish still?  Could they not have, at the least, led them towards the door and as with the man with the palsy, into your very presence?  I have asked myself repeatedly, what would have become of the man with palsy, as we know nothing of his back story other than he was incapable physically, and spoke not a word to Jesus, had he not been led and laid at your feet by those filled to overflowing with your love?  Is there a difference here Lord between the intended recipients?  Might you have looked upon the faith of the “five with” and granted those that had accepted the hands of guidance the same love that the man with palsy received?

I am, lost, lost in my contemplations Father, powerless to just let go of our meditations with one another and live on… “they overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives even unto the death.”  “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone, but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”  “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless, I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

It is too much, your love is too great, too wonderful to be held for self any longer, even to the extent Father that there must be self-sacrifice, daily, and for some elect few, martyrdom, loving not their lives, willingly offering their last breath, as with Stephen, praying to you as he was stoned, “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.”  That is a love for fellow men, so very rich, so very full that it absolutely refuses to allow ones “self” any claim upon its ownership and or its abundance.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.”   Help us Father.

Daniel

Luke 5: 17-25  “And it came to pass on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and doctors of the law sitting by, which were come out of every town of Galilee, and Judaea, and Jerusalem: and the power of the Lord was present to heal them.  And, behold, men brought in a bed a man which was taken with a palsy: and they sought means to bring him in, and to lay him before him.  And when they could not find by what way they might bring him in because of the multitude, they went upon the housetop, and let him down through the tiling with his couch into the midst before Jesus.  And when he saw their faith, he said unto him, Man, thy sins are forgiven thee.  And the scribes and the Pharisees began to reason, saying, who is this which speaketh blasphemies? Who can forgive sins, but God alone?  But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answering said unto them, What reason ye in your hearts?  Whether is easier, to say, thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Rise up and walk?  But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power upon earth to forgive sins, (he said unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy couch, and go into thine house.  And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, glorifying God.”

Matthew 25: 1-10 “Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them:  But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.  While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.  And at midnight there was a cry made, behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.  Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps.  And the foolish said unto the wise, give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.  But the wise answered, saying, not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.  And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.”

07/05/2018

Walking at a slower pace than that of the norm, surely a direct result of an unwavering inner turmoil within, Emmaus, once again, awaited our arrival as the afternoon heat began to wane from the sun now seeking its shelter as well for the day.  The last three days in Jerusalem weakened our resolve as we reluctantly, and with much disbelief, witnessed the horrifying, demoralizing, and heartbreaking crucifixion of Jesus at the hands of the Romans; more scathing, more contemptuous, was the thought that our leaders demanded such brutality.  We had held with great expectation that Jesus, in all of his greatness, in an open defiance toward those in Jewish leadership, would be the One that would redeem the people of Israel. 

As if that were not enough to consider, now, there was news of his resurrection from the dead, his body now absent from the tomb which had been so heavily guarded.  Could it be?

My conversation with Cleopas found a moment of peace.  An eerie quiet, as we walked in a saddened state, permeated the air that would surround us.  The silence ever so thick, was, in itself, extremely unsettling as its presence ushered in fertile ground for the rise and fall of emotional chaos and uncertainty.  Mine, that of emotions, uncontrollable at this point, ran to and fro without restraint; in a moment thoughts of his resurrection, that which he spoke of so very clearly, would find me ecstatic in sure belief, yet, moments later, with those same thoughts, unwanted grotesque snapshots resurfaced of Jesus nailed and hanging, limply, beaten beyond human recognition upon the cross at Golgotha, and the absurdity of one being risen from the grave in such a state, found me languishing, again without control, in depths of depression that no man should entertain.  I could not make it all stop!

Without notice, coupled with that of the agonizing silence that had fallen upon us, I could hear, with clarity, footsteps approaching us rather quickly from behind, drawing ever so near until at once a man, unbeknown to either of us, slowed his pace and began to speak.  With a calming tone but without restraint, he proceeded to inquire as to the sadness which obviously hung upon us?  Cleopas responded quickly with disbelief and a bit of anger, now questioning the stranger as to his ignorance or indifference to the events that transpired the last three days that surely every man and woman had now heard of.

The man, listened intently, holding his response, as Cleopas poured out his heart, his expectations, his disappointments and his uncertainty, all relevant to Jesus Christ.  I, on the other hand, was incapable of speech, still reeling from the pain, exceedingly great, that held me relentlessly in its grip.  I was incapable of letting go, letting all that I had seen, all that I had heard, all that I had experienced from Jesus’ outpouring of love, His grace, His mercy, His compassion, His kindness, His peace, His joy, His patience and so much more to simply be for nothing.

Again, there was silence.  Then, with the same tone of calm, the stranger began to speak ever so eloquently of Moses, the prophets of old , and greater still of Jesus; he painstakingly chose each word, careful not to miss any illuminating thought and we walked, slowly, without interruption, clinging on to each saturated declaration of truth.   My heart burned intensely with all that was being revealed and I simply relished being in the presence of a man so tranquil, so peaceful, and so determined in his steadfastness as the world around was enveloped in manmade turmoil and uncertainty.

Emmaus grew ever so close and we began to hear the sounds of normalcy and that of life; children and their laughter, indistinguishable conversations, donkeys neighing, and the smells of aromatic familiar foods.  They all, the smells, the sounds, and the sights, worked in harmony to create the atmosphere of daily life as we knew it.

As we neared our home, this stranger, still speaking beyond our comprehension at times, gave the impression that he would go further beyond the village.  I had held my tongue for the entirety of the unexpected chance meeting, unwilling to interject even the most minor of thoughts, but with my heart still afire, could no longer remain silent.

I compelled this man, with all that was within me, to abide with us, to stay in our company a bit longer as night now fell and Cleopas, as well, chimed in with enthusiasm for the same.  Surprisingly, there was no reluctance on his part; he seemed to welcome the invitation that had now been given voice and agreed to remain yet still for a while in our humble home. 

The fresh baked bread, its fragrance now occupying the same room with us all, fell into the hands of the stranger at his request.  He held the loaf, with great reverence, as if it were something greater than that of mere bread and blessed it with words that lingered in the air for limitless moments in time.  He began to carefully, and with great precision, break off two pieces of the bread, and with one piece in each hand, presented them to us, with outstretched arms for the taking. 

When I reached for the bread, my hand came into contact with his, and the touch of his hand to that of mine, caused my entire being to become physically unstable; especially my eyes which teared up and ran nonstop down the crevices of my beleaguered face.  The atmosphere, changed, and what once was simply the confines of a meager room, somehow turned into a place of indescribable holiness.  There was a purity, a sense of clean, and an overwhelming peace and love that equally encapsulated its entirety. 

With my eyes, now clearly seeing all that was before me, beheld, once again, the stranger, still with outstretched arms, and I noticed a gaping hole in his hand now empty of the bread.  I gasped, with my head trailing away and back, as Jesus himself sat before me.  He looked, in return, deep into my eyes and within me and simply…smiled; without another word He then instantaneously disappeared… 

Father, I once again find myself completely undone with the sweetness of thine word.  At the end of this encounter, it notes “and their eyes were opened, and they knew him…”  It causes me to question with great humility as to what we might be seeing or greater still what we are not seeing?  It says these two men constrained you, to stay a moment longer, in their presence.  Do we desire the same?  Do we beg of thee to tarry with us for with a certainly you are always drawing near, always wanting more of us and our time? I wonder… what would have happened had they not bid you to stay?  Oh Lord, let that question simmer but for a moment in our thoughts…

But they did!  Will we as well?  Of course, it is at that moment of tarrying, that unimaginable, that unfathomable circumstance might present itself.

Lord there is more in this story, so much more for the taking.  Please forgive me for my unending questions Lord?  Jesus, over and over, spoke of his body and his blood and the partaking of such in remembrance of Him.  Why do we discard, without much consideration, this most precious gift of the body and the blood?  Jesus said in John 6:53-56 “Then Jesus said unto them, verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.  Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up the last day.  For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.  He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him.”  Paul recounts in 1 Corinthians the same.  He notes, “do ye this in remembrance of me” and “do ye this, as oft as ye drink it, in remembrance of me.”  Why have we, the Church, the body of Christ kept this indulgence of His body and blood just for special occasions?  Why can this not be done, each and every day of our lives, and as we do such shall we not consider Jesus and some of His life changing qualities that he bestowed upon those he would encounter; love, joy, peace, patience, grace, mercy, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, truth, light, humility and the like.  Should there not be a placement, in the form of broken bread, of Jesus within, and displacement, of our flesh, that takes place?  John says, “he must increase, and I must decrease.”  Can we not do this, alone, in a quiet room with you, without fear of being “unworthy” etc?  Is it not a truth that if we were all to refrain because of unworthiness, sadly, we would never partake for we all have fallen short so often?

What might happen from that displacement or rather the placement of Jesus into our lives.  For the two on the road to Emmaus, again, “their eyes were opened, and they knew him.”  Is not that what we should all be pining for?  Your last prayer for your disciples before the Passion in John 17 notes “For this is life eternal, that they may know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent.”  Is it wrong or selfish for us to desire to see you Jesus and/or to long, with a burning not of this world, to know you more intimately each day?  Open our eyes, let us see clearly, the plans you have for each of us just for the day and may we be bold enough and more than willing to keep nothing for our “self.”  May the placement and displacement process produce an overflow, a running over, beyond the vessel, of all that is the totality of your son Jesus.  I will close with this thought…Jesus stood and read from Isaiah as noted in Luke:18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.”  Is that same anointing not ours as well?  I think so…let us partake of Him frequently, be changed, and walk with confidence in His calling for each of our lives, specific in nature, to each of us, but for the same purpose.  That all that we encounter, will be left with their eyes blinded, by a light so very brilliant, and with a residue of Jesus Christ so very substantial, that they cannot help but recognize it is not of man but rather from One not of this earth.  That they too may long, for it is His longing as well, to have personal intimate relationship.   

Father with hearts undone, we apologize that it was at the expense of your Son’s life, yet, thankful beyond measure, that His Passion, that His voluntary sacrifice bridged the chasm of separation, restoring right relationship between you, the Heavenly Father, and your sons and daughters.  It is all too wonderful for comprehension!    We love you.

Jesus…that’s all!

Daniel   

01/15/2015

I walked slowly this morning, taking in the coolness of the air and watched its reversal as it made its way back and into the atmosphere as small puffs of smoke.  The fall foliage, lining the dirt road, held me with its beauty in an orchestration of color.   The road, itself a canvas of pigment, had quite the collection of leaves as all around they fell, one by one, slowly cascading down with little care as to their destination and or demise.  I could not help but be a bit distraught at the thought that this backdrop of fall color would, with its magnificence, soon be barren; yet that too, in its own distinct fashion, would surely hold some of the same splendor in someone’s eye.

Progressing further, still at a leisurely pace, the coolness now gripped me with a greater level of cold.  Not too far in the distance, I heard the crack of a whip and the once overabundance of trees suddenly disappeared into the background.  Approaching the now open land, the wooden fence, in desperate need of repair, steadied my leg as I leaned upon the withered wood.  I was instantly taken in by the scene that played itself out before me. 

Approximately 50 yards away, the air, around the team of oxen and its driver, was filled with the same expulsion of smoke with a frequency and volume far exceeding that of my minor puffs of such.  The driver, an imposing dark figure, held the reins around his upper torso, down his arms and into his hands  and steadied the plow as it dug deep into the ground that followed the pair of lumbering oxen.  Periodically the unforgiving land, thirsting for moisture, full of rock and debris would hold true, the plow would falter and he, behind and unseen, would use the reins to smack the backs and tiny wisps of smoke rose from their now scarred and calloused backs.

The oxen, one older and more emaciated than the other, would snort and seemingly gasp for air as the younger pulled more of the weight.  I stood watching the oxen, now exhausted, for how long I am not sure.  The elder oxen looked as if each step might be his last; life had been taken from him one day at a time until little strength now ran through his timeworn body.  Soon he surely would be replaced with that of a younger beast and the cycle continues, year after year, generation after generation…

As with any parent, we find ourselves, in the midst, battling for our children so much more these days.  That which swirls around them, that encompasses their very lives, no matter what the culprit, seems beyond overwhelming and truly exhausting at times.  Yet, while in the very throngs of the ferocious battle, He never fails to speak encouragement in and through His word.  He gives us a glimpse into the very tactics of the enemy, allowing us opportunity to glean perspective that has eluded us aforetime.

Isaiah 58: 6 “Is not this the fast that I have chosen, to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

Could it be any clearer?  There is one, cold and callous, that desires to take the reins early in our lives, forever behind and unseen, using us for his purposes, without forewarning and seemingly unaware, he whips us into submission over time.  We become heavily burdened with those things in life that, he knew, with a surety, could encumber and weigh us down in our flesh.  (He has experiential knowledge with previous unsuspecting participants and generations of young people.) We have carried them for so long the sting of the whip has now become common place; without feeling we trod, slowly, weakened in our physical beings and further still withered in our spiritual being.  We are scarred, scored, blemished, disfigured, and mutilated to the point of unrecognition.  When, as time has passed, he has sucked every ounce of our energy and usefulness, he simply casts us aside and begins to, unfortunately, look for the next unsuspecting beast of burden; our children.

There are those this day reading this letter that have been a participant, willing or unwilling, in the plans of the enemy to destroy their lives.  Some may be thinking, it is too late for me, I am too far gone.  Surely, God the Father has no desire for anyone that turned from Him so many years ago. The sting of the reins has long been dulled and the feeling, of any emotion, is eerily absent.  What could He want with a man or a woman of such character, washed up and with little life left?

Others still, had once tasted of His love, and somehow, find themselves wondering…what happened?  How could I fall back into the very depths of darkness and allow him, the enemy, access into my life once again?  The driver, gripping the reins tightly, with uncanny precision, slaps them across our beings and the sting returns.  Our addictions, some worse than others but nonetheless binding, hold us in an unrelenting grip and the yoke once again finds its way around our necks.  We find ourselves trudging through a field of rock and gasping for the breath of life.  

Then there are those, still young, invincible, and in their minds of immaturity are incapable of being bound, in any way, by this created figment of man’s imagination.  They give him the reins freely and they simply are not aware that someday, when least expected, he will tighten the grip and refuse to release the captive young beast, or so he tells them.  The years will pass quickly and they too will turn from young to old and as their energies subside within, the fight to overcome, diminishes as well.

Father, it is time, no matter the state and longevity of the bondage, to take a look behind us this day and recognize firstly who drives us, and for us, without delay, to acknowledge that “sin which so easily besets us.”  Could it be drugs, alcohol, work, a man/woman, pornography, money, food, self, unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, disappointment, or possibly pride and the ego that accompanies it?  Has the captivity, the imprisonment, the bondage, the oppression, the suppression and or the utter slavery to his desires reduced us to insignificance? 

If we would answer yes Lord, let not these thoughts create a negative perspective within, nor let us allow guilt to overwhelm us to inaction, nor our shame to keep us paralyzed and repressed one day longer.  I am reminded Father of two verses, spoken by your son Jesus, that scream with intensity this morning and the surety with which He spoke them gives us great hope, great comfort and ultimately your peace that you so long for us to walk in and experience.

Luke 4:18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.”

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Father, we bow, in humility, at the foot of the cross, where the soil is moistened with the blood of your son Jesus, and accept these promises today! 

I am most humbly yours,

Daniel

1/01/2020

I quit fighting.  I simply wanted it all to stop…and then it happened.  My recollection and remembrance of that first horrible encounter vanished and I now found myself once again in the present.  The smell of grilled fish, vegetables and the unmistakable aroma of freshly baked bread permeated the small room as a sporadic breeze wisped the bouquet of such amongst all of us.  The atmosphere, eerily quiet, to the point of uncomfortable, held the select few local Pharisees in a state of uncertainty. 

Earlier as I approached the home of Simon, a man highly regarded in our small city, I felt an extreme sense of uneasiness.  I wanted desperately to simply turn around and run yet something propelled me forward.  Now standing at the doorway, with my hand on the latch, its warmth to the touch shocked me as the light of the day had given way to darkness many hours ago.  As if orchestrated, as I began to pull the latch, the neigh of a nearby donkey frightened me further still as my entire body seemed to shake within and without.

The door creaked, with great proclamation, as I slowly opened it to the full.  Walking in, unannounced and uninvited, the small talk amid its occupants instantly stopped.  Their eyes, each a distinct set, felt like knives piercing my inner soul as I stood motionless trying desperately to locate him.  My thoughts raced as I wondered how I might differentiate him from the others since I personally had never met this man whom I had heard so much about.

Flickers of light, from the paltry oil lamps strategically placed, illuminated and danced upon the walls and the ceiling as I stood looking intently into each of their eyes; and then I saw him…surely it had to be Him?!  I looked briefly into his eyes yet dropped my head, turned a bit and my undesired companion of so many years, shame, momentarily held me imprisoned in its relentless grip.

His appearance and clothes, a bit disheveled, and unlike those within the room, would speak of his status and he too, I thought, did not belong here.  That unknown energy source which had propelled me earlier towards Simon’s home would once again, cause me to walk slowly, ever so deliberately across the room and towards him.  To my surprise the room remained quiet as no one spoke a word to me; it almost seemed as if they were somehow expecting my arrival.  Now, only steps away, his eyes met mine, for a second time, and I was captivated by their embrace and I found myself incapable of looking away.  Though weary, they were filled with an abundance of compassion and they seized me, utterly locked in their strength and I was now certain it was Him.

I carefully made my way around and through the other guests until I was standing, still quiet and without speaking a word, behind him.  As I stood, a calm came over me, the uneasiness melted away and I began to cry softly at first.  The whimper intensified, the quiet was broken, and tears began to flow uncontrollably and without hindrance.  The enormity of such would become so great that they found themselves soaking the very feet of him that I had longed to love my entire life.  I, without embarrassment, knelt at his feet and began to gently wipe them with my hair.  With each new falling tear, as with his soil ladened feet, I too was becoming cleansed. 

I was overcome and I neared his feet closer still.  Lightly and with greater care, I now found myself kissing his feet in adoration and with a love that was just not of me.  I reached inside the neckline of my tattered dress, exposed the small bottle of ointment fastened around my neck and delicately began to anoint his feet.  Instantaneously, with no resistance, the former aromas yielded and the room’s atmosphere changed again and silence fell once more.

Lifting up from his feet slowly, with every intention of simply walking out of the room, I noticed an inexplicable transformation.  For the first time, in so many years, I no longer felt dirty, I no longer felt ashamed, and I no longer felt the pain that had engrossed my life with much ferocity.  All that I had become, all that I had done and, more importantly, all that had been done to me no longer mattered.

…then it happened.  At that very moment, the prolonged silence broke yet again.  I could, with great clarity, hear the words of Simon though, looking directly at him, there were no visible signs of him speaking.  His thoughts, so damning, were being given their platform.  It was if his thoughts were simply lingering in the air, suspended for all to witness.  Was I the only one hearing such?

Luke 7:39 “Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spoke within himself, saying, this man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that touches him: for she is a sinner.”

Luke 7:40-50 “And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee.  And he said, Master, say on.  There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.  And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both.  Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?  Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most.  And he said unto him, thou hast rightly judged.  And he turned to the woman, and said to Simon, See this woman?  I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.  Thou gavest me no kiss; but this woman since the time I came in, hath not ceased to kiss my feet.  My head with oil thou did not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.  Wherefore I say unto thee, her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.  And he said unto her, thy sins are forgiven.  And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, who is this that forgiveth sins also?  And he said unto the woman, thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.”

Father, I have labored long, trying to write with clarity and expound on all that loiters in and amongst the words of this passage to the point of exhaustion.  Nothing that I pen feels right?  Who is not guilty of judgment?  How might we simply pass over the thought that “he frankly forgave them both”?  Or the young lady, speaking not a singular word of confession, but yet saved?  And the eyes…the eyes of Jesus looking not at the outward appearance but at the heart? 

Surely there is a “back story” to each of our lives, unknown to the masses, that has shaped and molded us into who and what we have become.  There are those this day, and as in the past, that are in situations that they never thought possible; rich, poverty stricken, drug addicts, alcoholics, prostitutes, homeless, helpless, hungry, thirsty, tired, abused as children both mentally and physically, abandoned, fatherless, motherless, lonely, guilt ridden, shame filled, widowed, without guidance, without protection and without hope.  Many have simply “quit fighting.”

Matthew 9:36 “But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep with no shepherd.”

Jesus walked this earth moved with compassion!  He saw not as man might see but looked beyond the flesh and into the very hearts of those He would be crucified for.  His personal encounters, collisions if you will, both individually and collectively, would shake each person to the very core of their being? He would offer hope, peace in the midst of dire circumstance and a love, overflowing and abundant, that was and is not of this world and without limits.  Choices would need to be made, choices that would impact the rest of their lives and though scripture falls silent many times as to the end of their stories, one cannot help but know that they simply were not the same after their encounters with the Son of God.

I tarry, still near this passage months later, but will concede to the Holy Spirit leaving this thought to linger…I wonder if those reading, that have encountered Jesus personally have been shaken, to the innermost core of their beings, for reasons other than self?  What do our lives represent, how are our days spent and if we too might be humbled enough to be moved with compassion? 

Galatians 2:20 “I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me, and the life I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

Father, give us the eyes of your Son Jesus!

Daniel

01/06/2022

The brilliance of the sun, cascading down and around us all with its fullness, was incapable of unseating the chill of the early morning.  My body shivered uncontrollably as they, the scribes and the Pharisees, held me tightly, oblivious to the strength of their equally cold and calloused hands.  My dress, actually my undergarment, offered little to deter not only the cold but also the eyes of those that we encountered as we walked through the city and towards the temple.  Many began to shout, “stone her” and I contemplated my decisions, not good ones, and the consequences that awaited me as we came nearer still to the temple; a crowd now followed us and I began to feel small pebbles bounce off of my body periodically as my captors seemed oblivious to the onslaught that increased.  Now within the gate, in the distance I could see a mass of people within the temple gathered and listening to a singular man sitting amongst their numbers.

The anger of those dragging me, now at a faster pace and with a much stronger hold, seemingly rose to a crescendo as they neared the lone man whom they had become fixated upon.  They began to shout, softly at first, then with greater authority, “make way” and a clear path opened towards the man.  I tried desperately to pull back my disheveled hair from my eyes in hopes that I might see who this man was but the ferocity of their hold deterred my attempts.  My tears, now overwhelming me, restricted my eyesight even further.

Before I knew it, we stood motionless, and an eerie hush fell upon the situation.  I stood, humiliated, embarrassed and full of shame, looking down and at my feet now bleeding profusely from the journey; the crimson red stained the immediate area of my undesired stage of forthcoming judgment.  They thrust me forward with a final angry push and I found myself standing directly in front of the man that remained seated.  Now, with hands free, I slowly wiped my tears and pulled my hair back and away from my eyes; a state of utter disgrace washed over my entire body as I literally felt the eyes of each person present piercing my very soul.  The quiet was deafening!

I, however, desired to see the man that held my fate in his hands and finally garnered enough courage to lift my head gradually, and looked upon him with curiosity; I was surprised to see that he too looked poor, lacking the expected apparel of hierarchy or privilege.  Our eyes met for the first time and though anger, hatred and judgment surrounded us on all sides, his eyes manifested something much different; immediately, a calm and peace overcame me.  My thoughts turned inward; should I plead for my life or accept the stoning that awaited my sinful act?  I was powerless to speak.

The silence was broken when one of the men clad in his fancied priestly clothing, in an annoyed, irritated and maddened proclamation, shouted, “this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.  Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?”

I awaited his response, knowing full well the punishment and began to yield inwardly to the judgment and its finality.  Again, a quiet fell.  Rather than standing to speak, he, to everyone’s bewilderment, “stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.”  His calm, his demeanor of peace simply never wavered.

My accusers once again, now in unison and not simply the one, began to lay out the charges against me, giving in greater revelation, the details of my sin; recounting meticulously for all to hear with clarity as if somehow, he had not fully understood their charge.  They repeated my sin again and finally he stood.

He now took stood in front of me.  He reached down and grabbed my hands and clasped them lightly; the touch of his hands left me feeling weak and almost incapable of standing.  Looking deeply in to my eyes, as if speaking only to me, but certainly to the masses and to those that stood as my accusers and said, “he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”  He said nothing more.  Once again quiet fell with intensity.

I felt the release of his hands and again he slowly stooped down, his eyes fixed simply on the ground and he began to write once more.  For how long the silence loomed I cannot tell, and it was only interrupted when to my surprise, one of my accusers, an older man, looked down and walked away; one after another each one would follow suit and soon I found myself standing alone before him.

He stood and once again grasped my hands with a gentle caress not of this world.  “Woman, where are those thine accusers?  Hath no man condemned thee?”

I felt compelled to answer, crying softly in disbelief, and simply said, “no man, Lord.” 

He said, “neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more.”  At once, an older woman approached me and gently covered my “nakedness” from any further humiliation and she held me tight as we walked out of the temple.  Walking slowly, my feet so tender with each step, towards my village, I asked her the name of the poor man that offered forgiveness, that held no judgment, that had much compassion and was the giver of love unconditional.  She spoke softly and said, “Jesus.” 

Father, we wonder, what must it have been like to experience your son in the flesh?  My spirit responds with a resounding…we have.  There has been someone in our lives that embodied the very spirit of Jesus.  They were present during our darkest times, during unsuspected trials and tribulations giving nothing less than what your Son would have given.  They give of their time, they give of their energies, they give simply because there was/is a love within them that is not of themselves and it is so wondrous that they simply cannot contain it all for self; it is an overflowing waiting to be released to a world that longs for such. 

If we were to just step back, for a moment, and remember when we too stood before thee, sinners and deserving of judgment, I wonder what our daily reactions would be as we come across those that are hurting as well, lost in their shame, held in guilt, in need of forgiveness and a simple loving encounter.  A chance meeting that would hold no condemnation, but rather hold compassion, one that would hold mercy, grace, and of a certainty hold a love not of our flesh and only of Him.  Oh Father, that we would be privileged to be that one, to stand in your stead, that allows them to experience Jesus today.  May we speak of your plan of redemption, the sacrifice of your Son on the cross of crucifixion, the ransom fully paid, the chasm of separation bridged, and the loving intimate relationship that you so long for with your children. 

Father your word notes, “Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:For I was hungry, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee hungry, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Lord it is all too wonderful for our comprehension and I am once again…undone!

Daniel

06/29/2021

I paced, back and forth, yet the chill of the morning held me with a greater intensity than normal; as I blew my breath, though somewhat shallow, into my cupped hands, the warmth did not linger long, and I could not help but take notice of their shrunken state.  Bones protruded as my old and wrinkled skin, so very thin, gave the aged hands detailed shape.  Looking down and upon my body, it too was emaciated, dirty and the lack of any clothing, not a shred, held me in a humbled state that I just could not escape. I sat, discouraged and once again, alone, with only my thoughts in the tombs on the outskirts of the village.  Yet to my displeasure as with so many days, now turned to years, the voices within, not of me, began to taunt me with their relentless barrage of disparaging insults.  I however, no longer cared, having succumbed long ago, and sat, listening, unaffected, to the unending chatter that consumed the entirety of my being.

Sitting very still, I surprisingly sensed an uneasiness within, one that I had never encountered.  Then, listening more intently, to the voices that I had come to know intimately, that of condescension, arrogance, and superiority, a change began to emerge; I could sense in their pervading sheepish tones that anxiety, apprehension, nervousness and soon a full-on fearfulness ushered forth as they mumbled the same name over and over, repeatedly and with great concern…Jesus.    

Now, in their weakened, confused, and debilitated state, that of the demons that had displaced “me” years ago, I began to walk, slowly at first, away from the wilderness and the tombs that they had driven me to years earlier, until I could no longer contain myself and began to run, as if my very life, though of little regard to any that might come upon me, depended upon it, down to the shore of the Galilee. 

Slowing my pace as I neared the shore, I knew it must be him, this Jesus they kept speaking of, as they threw me down violently, forcibly and before this man.  I was exhausted from running, exhausted from life, and knelt willingly, for I knew that he that stood above me, was, though wrapped in the flesh of man, not of this world.  I wanted so badly to raise my head, to look into his eyes, in hopes that he might see and sense my desperation, yet, the demons, held me, face down, unwilling themselves to dare make eye contact with him.  The voices within spoke over one another in a fear filled frenzy and soon they fell, one by one, silent.

He then posed a question, “What is your name?”  I was not sure if he was talking to me and or the demons that now cowered with me in a submissive state.  Kneeling there I was overcome, with a deep sadness, as I tried to simply remember my name; it had been so many years since I had heard my name given voice and I remained, utterly confused as to the entirety of the experience which found me as a participant.  One of the demons, normally quite sure in his taunting towards me, spoke trembling and without confidence, “Legion”.  It was descriptive of the many demons that possessed me, and though I knew it, Jesus must have as well. 

Negotiation of their demise and the expulsion from my being, found me laying upon the ground, embarrassed as to my nakedness, yet, as I looked up, Jesus offered his outstretched hand and lifted me up and to my feet.  Looking now, directly into his eyes, with his hands gently upon my shoulders, he simply smiled, and I felt, in an instant, a healing overcome the totality of my body.  He then proceeded to disrobe and carefully covered my naked body and for the first time in years, it now warmed to a temperature that I had long forgotten.  We conversed much during the rest of the day, my mind now full in its return and though I besought him to allow me to be with him, wherever he might go, he would instruct, challenge and encourage me with a final word, “return to thine own house, and show how great things God hath done unto thee.”

Father, there is so very much in this story that it has taken me into areas of mediation beyond the norm.  Yet another person, unnamed, alone, sickly, naked, homeless, in the wilderness, possessed, shackled, forgotten and in this state for so many years; it is, if possible, both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time?  I am always captivated with those men or women that bear “no name” in scripture for it seems they longed, desperately, for the gentle touch of your hand, a kind word from your mouth, a compassionate look into their eyes, something, anything, and eventually nothing other than relationship with you in its intimacy; the Samaritan woman at the well, the woman that anointed your feet with her tears and hair, the paralytic man at the pool of Bethesda, the leprous man, the adulterous woman taken in the very act, the man with the withered hand, the woman with the issue of blood, the widowed woman offering two mites in the treasury temple, the blind beggar at Jericho, the Gentile woman interceding for her vexed daughter asking but for the crumbs from the masters table, the deaf and dumb man, the thief on the cross and the list could continue without end Father.  You always seem to have individuals, young and old, those that are seemingly beyond help, looked down upon by society, those cast away and those forgotten, within your thoughts.  Neither distance, religious circumstance, tradition, societal status, nor the years of one’s bondage in sickness, addiction, oppression, possession, or sin, would deter your son from pouring forth love, in all of its forms, without limitation then and still today.  How does one man Father, impact the lives of so many, in such a short time?  There are so many stories Father, those that are without name, so many that are lost, so many hurting, so many walking wounded, without hope, stripped of all dignity, reduced to a life of despair, still longing, desperately, for that which your Son gave so freely.  How Lord can one man, one woman, intervene?  The passage in Isaiah 58 ushers forth, “Is not this the fast that I have chosen? To loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? When thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh? Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall by thy rearward. Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer: thou shalt cry, and He shall say, Here I am, if though take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity; and if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noon day. And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones; and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.”

Lastly Father, the question lingers, awaiting a response, “what is your name”?  Each name, a story, a story of life, lived now, yet waiting to be told, waiting to be read, years later, by an inquisitive mind finding themselves in the midst of their story, seeking meaning and longing for purpose.  May they find, in their pursuit, a man, or a woman, who willingly died to self, and clothed themselves with that of your Son Jesus.  Forgive me for the translation “They were crucified with Christ, nevertheless they lived: yet not they, but Christ lived in them: and the life they lived in the flesh, they lived by the faith of the son of God, who loved them, and gave himself for them.”

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, we love you!

Daniel