09/07/2017
I am hesitant to even write anything as what follows is powerful. I am not sure if any father can understand the story of the prodigal son and the reaction of the father until experiential knowledge affords him such.
This writing is from my son, Devin, and though some of the thoughts are extremely personal, he has given me his blessing to post on this site. He is not ashamed and neither am I; never have been for what father can ever really be ashamed of his son? Our Father certainly is not of us and it was evident by His willingness to sacrifice His son, Jesus, that we might have this “fresh start.”
I hope you will partake of the banquet today as you read of one of His children coming home!
A Fresh Start,
On this day, January 23, 2013 at 12:23 I was reborn in the spirit of Christ. But I was lost before this experience happened. Lonely and angry at what I had become, I longed for something, anything to take the pain that lingered in my heart away.
It was a regular day for me. I woke up, with aches and pains. A lump formed in my throat from all of the evil that I had been inhaling for the past couple of months. I ate breakfast, but it did not nourish me. I felt sick, I was sick. I dreaded going to work, like every other day that I had been here. I knew that it held nothing for me, I was not going to better myself. I got off work in sort of crappy mood, something tugged at my heart. In this moment I thought it was my addiction. Marijuana took over my life, it held me down. I needed it to lift me from the awful place that I was in. I bought a gram, and smoked it all. No matter how much of that evil I put into my lungs, for some reason it was not doing the trick like it had for so long. As I smoked a cigarette on the porch at a friend’s house, a dark figure kept passing by. It was in the form of a man. This man was hooded and dark beyond your wildest imagination. The way he walked was so cunning; it appeared to just be a normal guy walking past us a couple of times. But I knew it was more than what met the eye. I started to shake from the fear that I felt in the deepest pit of my heart. It was Satan. He was watching me, tugging at my soul to partake more of the evil that had already destroyed my life.
I left the house. I got into my car. I could feel
the evil at my heels. Out of nowhere a car appeared behind me as if out
of thin air. The whole way home, this car trailed my every move. No
matter what speed I went; no matter what turn I took, it was on my heels.
John 10:10 reads “The Thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” I
could feel my heart pounding. I became hot. I not only felt the
heat on my body as I touched my face, but I could also feel it inside of
me. It was in my heart. Turn for turn the car followed me, the
devil followed me. He is REAL, just as the Son of Man is real. I turned
into my apartment complex, followed closely by this evil. As I was making
the turn, I saw that he was still following me. Knowing that he was going
to get me, I looked down in fear to see what time it was on my phone. I
turned my phone on and saw the Angel. I had put the angel as my
background because for the last few weeks that led up to this
moment I knew what I really needed. I needed Jesus. I looked in the
rear view mirror again to see if the car was still hot on my trail and it
seemed to have disappeared.
I opened the door of my apartment and headed straight for my
room. I crawled into bed. As I lay there that’s when it
happened. The heat rose up from my heart. My throat was dry, I was
thirsty. But it was more than just a thirst. No matter how many
times I tried to return moisture to my mouth, it stayed parched. The air
from my battered lungs started to escape me. It was like my life was
being taken from
me. In my darkest hour I lay there gasping for air, thirsty for life. I
was in sort of a trance. But there was something that gave me hope on
this night. In the distance I heard something like the sound of bells. I
heard it while the heat was overpowering
me. I heard it when I could not breathe. When I thought there was no hope
for me, that I had been lost, I then heard it…It was a faint knock. At first I
thought it was coming from my throat. I then realized it was not from my throat
but actually from my heart. It
started to get louder, more persistent with every passing second. With
the sound of the bells still in the background, I then realized what it
actually was. It was my hope. He is my hope. It was my
shield; it was my God; right there beside me guarding me and my heart as I went
through my journey in hell. The Holy Spirit was knocking louder at my heart and
the music played with beauty. Begging to let HIM in. But it was
actually I that was begging. I knew in my heart that I wanted that relationship
with God. At that very moment a feeling of unexplainable beauty and life
flowed through me. I sat up, not on my own power but by his power, and a
gushing wind filled my lungs. The most pure air flowed through me,
sending an unworldly feeling through my limbs. I could feel all of the
pain slowly slip away. My hands, not by my power, but the power of the
Holy Spirit lifted to the heavens. I felt his love. His forgiveness
was brought over me. My legs felt as if they had been made new. My sore
ankle at that moment felt better than ever. My smoke ridden lungs had
felt as if they had been healed. I was reborn. The power that I
felt on that night will be what I speak of when I talk about my faith. I got up
and quickly grabbed my Bible. I opened it and John 8:11 jumped out of the
pages at me. It read, “I do not condemn you, Go and sin no more.” I started to
cry. My God had forgiven me for all of the things that I had done in the
21 years of my life.
Suddenly, the evil that had been inside me started to literally crawl out. It felt as if I were dry heaving. As it persisted, it felt that the evil was grabbing the sides of my throat and opening it so that it could crawl out of me, as if it was pulling itself out of my body. I then heaved with more force than you can ever imagine, and then coughed once. It was the loudest most violent cough that I have ever experienced. With that cough, I was rid of all of my sins. I AM NEW! In the name of the Holy Spirit, I am a new man. That night I read my Bible for quite some time, and He spoke to me the entire time. Verses jumped off of the page at me and I rejoiced in His name.
Ever since that night I have read my Bible everyday and I
understand it now. Before, I would read it and it felt like I was reading
a bunch of jibber jabber. Nothing would
impact me, nothing would touch me. But now because I am filled with the Holy
Spirit, I understand it. My God is very powerful.
I have built my life on the rock of my salvation, and I will not be moved from my firm foundation. I will stand on the Word of my God, with everything. I am not ashamed to say I will stand. The sword of truth in my hand is conquering every demon’s stronghold. For today.
Devin