01/23/2016
The warmth of the sand particles permeated every fiber of my being as I lay face down upon them; I was oblivious to their entrance into my facial orifices as I shifted my head from one side to the other. It was as if I could feel the heat encapsulated within each and every grain and it brought me much comfort. Equally satisfying, yet with a greater ferocity, was the burn on the back side of my body as the sun issued forth its heat. They both, in tandem, slowly, removed the intense cold that had held me captive, relentless in its bondage, the last couple of days.
For how long I laid there I am not sure but I soon rolled over and onto my back, now facing the brightness of the sun, and the moisture of my lips, as with the cold, too faded away. I licked my lips over and over again trying to produce any form of wetness that I could muster but was unsuccessful.
Hunger pangs coupled with my now increasing awareness of thirst issued forth the reality of my situation and the events, that had led me to this place of loneliness, this place of want and this place of isolation, began to emerge within my memory…
I could not understand why the Lord wanted me to speak, to our very enemies, anything that might have saved them from their just due, to speak any word or prophecy that might cause them to repent and be restored in His eyes? I simply refused. If that were not enough, my disobedient resolve took me further still with plans to run to a faraway land, as I purposed in my heart to distance myself, as far as I could, from this request of insanity?! I could not and would not do it!
Walking up the old weathered wooden plank to the ship, it’s aged captain, a seedy, impatient, cranky fellow, whom I had just negotiated the inflated fare with, bellowed in a deep raspy voice, “steady yourself mister” and laughed with his crew, also a curious bunch, as they tipped their bottles of mind altering spirits. I grasped the ropes that draped down and towards the pier and they burned the flesh of my hands as the ship, unsteady to say the least, swayed to and fro from the movement of the ocean.
I went into the depths of the ship, in a dark area, where little light was permeating and a small wisp of wind welcomed me with an aromatic stench that made me step back and away for a moment. I stepped over the damp, some more than others, wet bundles of stow until I found one filled with something that was seemingly soft with its contents; a little lumpy and it too, unfortunately, was ladened with a bit of moisture and even worse a more intense pungent smell that sickened me with its ferocity.
I simply collapsed, becoming nothing more than an additional bundle in my eyes, to be delivered to a land far away. The previous day’s journey that had brought me to this darkened, stinky place of refuge, left me exhausted, caring for little, wanting to forget it all and I only wanted to rest. I flattened the bundle, further still, out to the best of my ability, laid down completely upon its humble offering and though I could hear the crew and their readying of the ship, I soon drifted off to sleep.
“Wake up”! “wake up”! What was once a very deep sleep soon became an instantaneous awakening as the captain shook me, screaming and yelling as my senses struggled to return fully to me. The ship, formerly calm at port, now was in the midst of a horrible, unforgiving storm. The winds raged as the sails flapped loudly in its midst and at one point the sails just bent over, almost as if bowing, to the creator of such calamity.
The waves crashed over and into the ship, further creating chaos as panic and fear overtook the men now praying frantically to their gods. They were all scurrying about, tossing their load overboard in hopes of lightening the ship but nothing seemed to help. So fierce was its state, the ship groaned with volume and the crew feared it would simply break up and into pieces. The creaking and the popping of nails equaled the expression of the wind and the men became beyond desperate.
They all, with one accord, knew that I was the cause of this catastrophe and before I knew it I found myself in the arms of angry, unforgiving men. They were screaming and cried unto the Lord, “we beseech thee, O Lord, let us not perish for this man’s life, and lay not upon us innocent blood, for thou, O Lord, have done as it pleased thee.” I did not resist and they lifted me up and over the rail into the raging sea.
The cold water encompassed me instantly and entirely and as I gasped for air salt water filled my lungs to the full. I coughed and spit up the salty water in mass quantities trying to counter act the torrent consuming me with each massive wave. They were relentless, tossing me, first up and out of the water and then down once again within its tempest; the weight of my clothing further hindered my ability to stay above the water as it ensnared me further in my situation. I became tired with the fight, closed my eyes one last time, willing to succumb to the certainty of death, still struggling to breathe when with one last surge of water the darkness simply overtook me in its fullness.
I thought that I had blacked out completely but somehow was suspended just above waters edge. Looking down and around me, I was entangled, from head to toe, within a substantial web of sea weed and the stench that I had encountered upon entrance into the ship was nothing compared to the horrific odor that now surrounded me with its cruelty.
My leg was wedged fairly deep into a cold yet soft fleshy feeling membrane. The air was thick and I struggled to breathe as the water level rose and fell, jutted left and then right and soon after a time of inconsistent “rolling” of the water, I began to vomit volumes of murky salty sea water from my previous inhalation.
Minutes turned to hours and the hours soon found way to what had to be days or at least in my estimation. My thoughts changed instantaneously from one to the other wondering where I was, what was holding me captive, what was so horribly rotten with smell and the like? The intensity of the cold gripped me without measure and I shivered uncontrollably.
I leaned against the wall of flesh that would not release me and began to break both physically and mentally. It was so difficult to utter the words that I knew must be spoken in prayer to Him that I had forsaken. Why would He hear me now, or why would He want to help me after my disobedience? I had run from Him, in my weakness, in the pride and ego of my flesh, in my lack of compassion, in my lack of forgiveness and I felt shame, failing Him miserably and I found myself wanting.
I finally broke.
I began to cry softly at first until it ushered forth a volume that came from deep within and seemingly would not stop. It was only after I became beyond exhausted that the wailing began to cease and as it did so, almost instantaneously my senses began to come back to me. I spoke, with a stillness that had previously eluded me and tenderly to Him that I knew loved me, even in the midst of my disobedience.
Even with the torrent of circumstance that held me, I somehow pictured Him attentively listening to me with much care as I poured out my heart. His presence slowed my shivering, His presence calmed my spirit and soon I found myself once again awash in His love. Without warning I heard Him speak though I understood not what He said; it carried little volume but knew that He spoke with great authority.
My foot which had held me steadfast for so long at once was now loose, and I found myself treading water once again. A rumbling began to stir in the darkness of my surroundings and then with a great force I was propelled forward with unimaginable ferocity and all went black. In an instant I felt earth or rather sand and the warmth soothed my very soul…
Proverbs 21:16 notes “The man that wanders out of the way of understanding shall remain in the congregation of the dead.” If I may, let me give a bit more meaning to a few key words. This wandering means to go astray, mentally, morally and or spiritually. The congregation denotes a multitude and or mass quantity of people and the dead are those that are feeble and or weak.
Father forgive us. How have our eyes become so dim that we cannot see the truth in your Word that speaks with such clarity? We are guilty Lord, of wandering, out of the way of all that you have spoken to us all through the years. We are guilty Lord, of accepting our circumstances and remaining within those places, amongst the multitude of the dead. It is not what you want for us. John not only warns us as to the desires of the enemy but more importantly to the promise of Jesus himself… “the thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Lord as with Jonah, break us to the point of exhaustion and let us learn from scripture how very close you are in times of dire circumstances and situations created by our flesh and its weakness. Steady us Father as we cry out to you for assistance, as we ask in humility for your hand to once again to be upon us and let us walk in surety upon the path of righteousness. We love you Father and thank you for the sacrifice of your son, Jesus, and the gift of thine Holy Spirit!
Daniel