07/31/2020
I had never seen such hate in the eyes of men. My faith and my unwavering witness, both spoken and unspoken, to that of Jesus Christ, my personal savior, now found me standing in front of those with power and position; the high priest, the elders, the scribes, and amongst those within the council that would agree with the false witnesses that had conspired against me. I knew, with clarity, that what I had just expressed in word, no matter how true, was, exponentially, fueling their disdain and contempt. I paused for a brief moment, carefully contemplating my next thoughts, again knowing, that the words about to be given volume would send them all into a frenzy; yet, there came a peace upon me that enveloped me in its entirety. The air became still and the room, filled to capacity, was awkwardly quiet. The words within began to burn intensely and I could no longer withhold their formation as they poured forth and eclipsed the silence… “Ye stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, ye do always resist the Holy Ghost: as your fathers did, so do ye. Which of the prophets have not your fathers persecuted? And they have slain them which showed before of the coming of the Just One; of whom ye have been now the betrayers and murderers…”
As if in unison, they all, in an instant, became uncontrollably enraged and their frustration, their anger, their rage and their fury began to come forth now with a physical manifestation; chaos filled the room. In the midst of the turmoil, for some reason, I looked up and again could not help but speak what I was seeing as the clouds pulled themselves back and away, the heavens opened up, the glory of God emanated brilliantly and Jesus, the Son of man, was standing, most erect, on the right hand of God, looking down and upon me with eyes that melted my very heart and with a love I had not yet experienced in the earthly realm. Silence, once more and beyond eerie, held the room in utter control.
Without warning they now all ran upon me, so very many men, pulling and dragging me by my cloak out of the city and into the streets, infuriated beyond control. Soon I found myself, alone, laying upon stone and dirt, a few feet away from the men, knowing what soon would come forth. The first stone hit me on the side of my head and it stunned me to say the least; I felt the warmth of my blood trickle down and past my ear. I wanted, in my flesh, to pick up the rock and hurl it back at the men who no longer cared for me and or what I had to share; however, the peace which earlier fell upon me would yet again envelope me, and the desires of my flesh for retaliation dissipated quickly. The next hit, then another, until I did not feel the stones individually but rather corporately as they battered me relentlessly and without relief. What was earlier a simple taste of the blood in the back of my throat soon gave way to a capacity of the same and I began to choke from its collection. I leaned over to my side, still being pummeled intensely, in an attempt to allow the blood to flow out of my mouth; I succeeded as the ground beneath became stained with the crimson red pouring forth unhindered. I began to drift in and out of consciousness for brief moments now unaware of any further pain that wreaked havoc on my body. Sheepishly I looked up towards heaven, again seeing with clarity, the form of Jesus and the glory which surrounded Him and still, He stood, witnessing the scene; His tears so recognizable, ran down His face and towards me specific and as each one fell through the expanse of separation, I could feel nothing less than His love, for me, but also for those that were involved in the barrage of stone.
With little energy, I was able to mutter, “Lord, Jesus, receive my spirit” and with one last act of obedience I found my way to my knees, kneeling to pray one last time and cried with a loud voice, “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.”
Father, I am lost in thought. What causes men and women, not just Stephen, but countless others, over the ages, to lay down their lives so willingly, in great humility, for those that do not deserve such? Please forgive me for I possess a mind, still so very full, of judgement; how can I even make that statement as they too deserve your love do they not? Your word speaks with such precision, with so much beauty and explicit splendor this morning. It floods my soul with repetition.… “Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” “They overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death.”
I have contemplated much the willingness of Stephen to lay down his life but still I cannot help but focus upon the young man Saul (Paul) that consented to his death and witnessed the act of martyrdom that day. Why was he even there, outside the city, at that specific place, and at that specific time? What effect did it truly have upon him in the deepest, darkest, areas of his heart? The great hate displayed, in fullness of force, was in the end eclipsed by a nothing less than a greater love emitted by a mere man for those near to him at the time, and within ear shot, hearing the request of a dying man on their behalf. Surely it left the greatest of impressions to not only Saul but countless others that day…how could it not?
I cannot speak for others Lord, but I find myself sadly in a chasm of want, lacking in your love displayed for and to my fellow man. Questions emerge and I struggle to answer truthfully, honestly, and with integrity. Would I be willing, as we too find ourselves in the midst of turmoil today, to lay down my life in an act of sheer love for just one man; that he might find you, no matter the fullness of the hate exhibited, in an encounter orchestrated in the heavenlies? Would I react in the flesh, desiring retaliation or rather in the Spirit with a greater want for reconciliation to thee Lord? And what of my family and that of friends that cannot grasp the thought of self-deprivation to the point of sacrifice? What on this earth is so extremely valuable that it cannot not be cast aside with love at its bidding to do so? Recently, in the throngs of meditation, you spoke so very clearly Father. “And you shall hear of wars, and rumors of wars: see that ye be not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. All these are the beginning of sorrows. Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and you shall be hated of all nations for my names sake. And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.” It was if you allowed a dagger to penetrate my heart with care… “and the love of many shall was cold.” Iniquity, sin, it will abound, it will increase in great measures, but shall the love that you have placed within, through years of relationship, years of seeking, searching, desiring more of you, not just one singular man or woman, be overcome with the hate that surrounds and permeates our lives unaware; will our love, rather your love, grow cold? Forgive me Lord, for I have fallen short, I am found wanting, anemic and filled with great sorrow. I want the love that you poured forth to once again flow without limitation for even now, and greater still as “iniquity abounds” many years later to have an impact upon a young man, a young woman, someone, that might knowingly or unknowingly be consenting to the spewing of hate.
May our last breath, our last words and final actions mirror that of Stephen, in an act of selflessness, as we kneel upon our knees, let love be on our lips… “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.”