My spirit stirred greatly. The words being spoken were unlike anything I had ever heard; the absence of shame, condemnation, and judgement bewildered me. There was no rigidity to His words and the endless, strict, commands of adherence to the law were, almost purposefully, unmentioned. Rather, He, with the greatest of calm and serenity, delivered compassionate thoughts, one after another, each one hanging in the air, as if to be breathed in by us all. I was mesmerized and though I knew that He was speaking to the totality of those within the synagogue, I noticed that He, over and over again, looked directly at me, as if beyond my eyes and into my very soul. This was so foreign to me…
I had, for eighteen years, never been looked upon with such direct eye contact; my strangely distorted body would not allow such. The deformity, bending me from the waist downward, happened gradually but over a short span of time. The simple act of walking would become both laborious physically and emotionally. Periodically, and only when absolutely necessary, I would twist and contort my neck to look upwards, yet it was simply too painful to do so often. However, familiarity, with that of the terrain of my small village, would manifest itself and even without looking up I could, traversing with great caution, determine the paths that I must endure to arrive at my intended destinations; each crevice, each crack, and each stone covered wall became individually recognizable to that of my limited sight spectrum and also to the gentle touch of my hands rendering “the way”. If that were not enough to bear, the mental deformity within, especially in the early years, ushered forth a pain incomparable to that of the physical. I could not, in my hunched over existence, see people looking at me, yet I knew they were, as their whispers would reveal the depravity of their thoughts towards me; my elderly parents, also recipients, simply disappeared into the depths of isolation as they were unable to process the heart searing defamations dispensed without mercy towards their daughter. It was during those moments, bent over, walking ever so slowly in the realm of loneliness, that I was thankful that no one could see my face as the tears cascaded down, without end, finding their way just before my next intended step. I carefully and with great intention, stepped upon each one, attempting to diminish the pain and somehow leave it all behind. Over time, though I was alone, as each year slipped into the next, I managed to merely tune out the tones of their judgment and rather listened for the sounds of the village, a compilation of noises, that of daily life, merging together to create an orchestration of harmony and to my great surprise, peace, He, would finally find me.
Our eyes met once again, yet this time they lingered and He became quiet, as if incapable of speaking any further. An uneasiness filled the candlelit room, flickers of light dancing upon the backdrop of the walls, and He simply gazed longer still at me. I too was unable to look away, my eyes longing for such tenderness, holding steadfast and without care as our eyes remained fixed upon one another. He then, with great authority, yet calm, beckoned me to come to Him. The atmosphere in the room was one of great peace and without delay I gingerly arose, slowly traversing, incapable of being hurried, until I found myself, staring at His feet. The tears, again, would begin to cascade down yet this time they found themselves dripping upon His sandals and I was embarrassed as to the volume of their existence. The eerie quiet, only interrupted periodically by my muffled crying, soon found His voice once more with the same level of compassion… “woman, thou are loosed from thine iniquity”. Without expectation, He bent down, softly cupped my chin in His warm hand, His other hand lighting upon my shoulder, and gently began to lift me upwards, slowly, deliberately, out of my warped crouch, until, I stood upright. I was overcome, enveloped entirely, with a love that had alluded me for so many years.
Father, this story, so full of inexplicable resolve in the midst of a dire situation, has captivated my thoughts these last few weeks. I have wept much and do so even now as I tap away at the keyboard before me; can you, please, use the tears that come forth to wash away the grime that inhibits the way we see in our flesh? I do not think it a coincidence that you were there, in that synagogue, and specifically for the young woman. The way you see/saw, with such compassion, with such mercy, and with greater love, simply alludes us/me Father. I am fearful, that we are limited greatly by the blinders of “self”, and that our scope of sight remains hindered by its rule in our lives? Yet, I know with time, if we present ourselves to you each day, in a most humbled state, unwilling to see with eyes unhindered a day longer, that you too will grant us this same eyesight. We realize it is a process, one that cannot nor can be achieved in an instant but rather takes time, time with you, time in your word, allowing you complete access to areas that only you can see unobstructed. We/I am getting old. Time, as a youth seemingly infinite, unavoidably slips slowly away. We must, as the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, constrain you, to tarry a bit longer with each of us, individually, in the quiet of our day, so that we too, as we take you in, as willing recipients of communion, your body and your blood, might in the near future be as they were…“their eyes were opened, and they knew him”! Father, is this selfish? We think not, for there are those in our midst, that need to be seen, that need to be acknowledged with a simple word, with eye contact, or a touch, that certainly is not of this world cloaked in flesh but rather pure in its form, that of your unfathomable love Lord. Stir our hearts, to extremes we have not yet encountered, that we might walk in the fulfillment of your call…to be the light, the salt of the earth, so very brilliant, so very thick that when unsuspecting encounters arise, they inquire as to its essence. That they too might experience you, Jesus…that’s all!
Daniel
Luke 13:10-16 “And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath. And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity. And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God. And the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because that Jesus had healed on the sabbath day, and said unto the people, there are six days in which men ought to work: in them therefore come and be healed, and not on the sabbath day. The Lord then answered him, and said, Thou hypocrite, doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or his ass from the stall, and lead him away to watering? And ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day”?